Hello my lovely readers! My brain feels a bit scattered these days as I’ve gone between a crazy heavy work schedule (14 hour days!) to a fan convention in Vancouver (Canada) and then straight into a week of vacation and lounging by the pool (trying desperately) to get a tan before summer officially came to a close. 

I am back, however, to my usual routine and looking forward to what this Fall/Winter season has in store! I have a lot of little projects and ideas floating around which is exciting…but also a bit overwhelming. I fear that I’m not focusing enough on any one particular thing and that they all might suffer from being neglected. We all have busy seasons and seasons of having little to do. Well… I have finally reached a slow season professionally and I’m looking forward to focusing more on writing, blogging, learning, and hopefully having some fun while I’m at it! Excited to share this journey with you! 
That’s really all I have for today’s post. I posted some pictures from my Canadian vacation below! 
When in Canada, one must buy moose!
 
View from our first meal in Vancouver

Me showing my Dean Winchester love

Mom & I being silly in airports
Beautiful Stanley Park
Hope you have a wonderful weekend everyone! 

Positivity Challenge Day 2

I was challenged by a facebook friend to write 3 positive things fir 5 straight days and I decided to start the challenge on my facebook but continue it here (so I don’t overwhelm anyone AND still accept the challenge). 

This is going to be 4 days of a simple list of things that I’m grateful for: 
1. Air Conditioning: It’s nice to have the option to stay in a house with my mom that has air conditoning, especially for a long weekend (like this one) with such hot temperatures. It’s a luxury and I’ll gladly take it. 
2. Sketchers: I tried my first pair of sketchers back in 2011 and immediately fell in love. I tried the first GoRuns and they were the most comfortable shoes that I have ever worn. Unfortunately they changed them just about a year later when they made the GoRun2 which was a bit disappointing but they were still pretty comfortable. I then waited 2 years to even think about buying another pair mainly because of money but also I loved that pair so much and didn’t need to look for another. Boy was that a mistake. I recently found myself in a sketchers outlet and they literally have a million (and one) different types of GoRuns and it’s so hard to determine what the difference is between them all. It’s VERY annoying because I know that I loved the original and I can no longer buy it…BUT the positive part is that I found another pair and I’ve fallen in love with! I bought the GoRun 3 and I’m pretty happy. I mean, I hate sketchers because they keep changing it…but I also love them 🙂 
3. My Mom: I genuinely love spending time with my mom. I’m the most comfortable with her and she can allows me to rest, relax, laugh, and have a good time. I love her. 
Tomorrow I’ll post another 3 things that I’m grateful for! Join me and list 3 things that YOU’RE thankful for in the comments below! 

28th year

Erika: 

Today you turn 28 years old and seeing that number written on the page feels odd.  But you are writing a letter in the third person so you’re clearly an odd person already 🙂 
Here is a letter to myself about what the past year has been and what hopes I have for the year ahead. 
You are 28 years old and you are still discovering who you are. While it might be “normal”… you still feel like you’re behind the curve. The great part is that you’re finally in a place to accept that things in life happen slower for you than most people. And that’s okay. 
You’ve never been the most adventurous person, but I hope that you take more risks this year and decide that no matter what the outcome, the experience alone will be worth it. 
You are an obsessive person and I hope you use this to your benefit this year. Find things that make you happy and people to share that happiness with each day! Invite people into your fangirl world and don’t take their opinions/criticism too personally. You love whatever it is and that should be enough. 
I hope that you find a community of people who will challenge and accept you and help you become a stronger and more confident person. I pray that this year is all about gaining confidence and accepting who you were created to be. Don’t let anyone tell you different. 
You (VERY) recently got to meet your two favorite actors/celebrities and it was remarkable. You made eye contact with Jensen Ackles and your heart skipped a few beats. He even called you sweetheart. Sigh. You are going to many more conventions and hope to have many more skipped heartbeats with that dude. Remember…he’s worth it.

On a somber note, each year your birthday month tends to be a tough month with many “anniversaries” of losing people. It is extremely painful for both you and your family as you balance the pain of loss and being grateful for another birthday personally. Unfortunately this year was no exception. We lost a friend to cancer and we pray for his family and all of us grieving his passing. I pray also that God reveals more of Himself to you and why August is both a celebration of life and mourning death. Ask Jesus and await His response.  
Here’s to a year of new discoveries, reflections, adventures, and experiences. 
Also: whenever you are sad just look at this picture and remember how happy they made/make you. 

Happy 28th 🙂 

Counting Down the End of Summer

Life has been extremely full these past few weeks with my full-time job picking up speed, my friend’s passing, and everything that’s happened in between…but I did want to update you on a few things I’ve got going on!

1. My friend’s Memorial Service was on Saturday and I unfortunately wasn’t be able to go. I mention it here only so that we can all keep his family in our prayers. I’ll be keeping all my friends who attended in spirit, especially his wife and young son. 

2. I flew to Vancouver for a Supernatural Convention this past weekend! I was so flipping excited about this, I can’t even put it into words. This was my first convention where I’m met my favorite and the thought alone made my stomach go topsy-turvy. Excited/Anxious/Nervous/Happy almost begins to cover it….almost.

The Jensen Ackles (aka favorite)

3. I’m looking into gaining more knowledge of blogging by working with a fellow blogger! She blogs at Helene In Between and she’s offering consultations to help new bloggers learn, develop, and grow their readers! I have some budgeting to do and things to think about but I’m pretty sure I’ll be working with her in the near future!

4. I’m looking forward to a slower work schedule in September. Might sound silly, but my full-time job has BUSY seasons and it also has “there’s nothing to do and it’s 10am” seasons. In years past I would enjoy the slower times for about a week and then be bored. This year though, I’m excited to use time to organize and plan out blogs, write, and basically use the extra space for creativity. We’ll see how this actually plays out, but in theory this could be really great 🙂 

I’ll be writing a recap of the weekend soon because it’s too much awesome for a smaller post such as this. I’m looking forward to the end of summer and beginning of fall. What are some things that YOU’VE been up to as the summer winds down? Let me know in the comments below! 

Until we meet again…

Today’s post isn’t fun or silly. Today I write from a solemn and somber place in my heart. I want this blog to be a mixture of both happy and sad (and all that’s in the middle) because isn’t that how we all experience life? 

Today is also another installment of Faith Friday in the form of a lament to God about life and loss. 

I’m not entirely sure how to write this post or the “right” words to say. Death is never something I like discussing or thinking about because it’s scary, sad, overwhelming, and ultimately unknown. As much as I would love to pretend death never happens, life always reminds me that this just isn’t true. Unfortunately this week was another reminder of this fact.

This week we lost a dear friend to cancer.

I can’t help but mourn for those he left behind. That’s usually my focus when faced with death; not on those who have left but on those who have to stay behind and miss them. I experienced this when my grandma passed away and I , along with my whole family, struggled through the sadness and grief.  I experienced this in high school when a friend passed away and we had to finish out senior year without her.

My faith tells me that they are in a better place with you The Father…but my heart is selfish and wants them to stay with me forever. I’m so touched and impressed by the people closest to the situation who remain faithful and depend only on strength from God to continue each day. I can only hope that if placed in the same situation I would do the same.

For those who are mourning and having a difficult time, you are not alone. We all mourn with one another in solidarity and miss what we no longer have in this life. I pray that you will find rest and peace as time passes and as God reveals His Glory and Love to us in our own personal ways. Be with us and sustain us oh Lord. Please give us the strength we need each day. We cannot do it alone.

I wanted to end this post with a quote that was written in a facebook group for our dear friend after we were told of his passing. It stood out to me and has brought me solace each day since I first read it:

May the road rise up to meet you. 
May the wind be always at your back. 
May the sun shine warm upon your face. 
And the rain fall soft upon your field. 
And until we meet again, until we meet again…
May God hold you in the palm of His hand. 

10 Facts

Feeling like I should do a fun post to sort-of introduce myself to any new readers that might be checking out my blog for the first time! And for any longtime readers or family/friends just stopping by, these may be eye-opening NEW facts for you too 😉 Plus people really seem to love lists now-a-days (Hello every Buzzfeed article ever)…

In no particular order of importance: 
1. I used to HATE drinking water. Even until I was 19 years old (can’t remember exactly when it changed) but now I almost can’t get enough of it. I barely drink anything else in the day…and I never thought I’d be this person but here we are. 
2. I love everything that lights up. We are talking Electric Light Parade status of lights. I love all that exists within that parade. Let’s just say Disneyland at nighttime is my personal heaven.  
https://youtube.googleapis.com/v/o1BUBonh4cc&source=uds

Also: Toys like this
3. I’m Multi-Ethnic (Half Mexican, Half White) and I really struggled with this in college. I still feel the tension of “not fitting in” but thankfully I’m a lot better now than I used to be with being comfortable in my own skin. 
4. My favorite type of songs are angsty breakup songs. I love the angst of it all! Kelly Clarkson’s Since U Been Gone! Justin Timberlake’s Cry Me A River! No Doubt’s Don’t Speak! Adele’s Someone Like You! Bruno Mars’ Natalie.  Ugh…all just so good and those are just the ones that came into my mind.  

5. I’ve always wanted a surprise birthday party. But sadly never had one. *hint hint * 
6. I’m (soon to be) 28 years old. And still living the single life. Party on Garth.
7. I absolutely LOVE talking about media and television. I love watching TV and then discussing the episodes/stories/seasons with friends. I hope to one day have a job where I get to analyze and discuss TV and actually get paid for it! 
8. My all-time favorite show is Supernatural. I never used to have a favorite show because there was always something holding me back from committing to it (see this post for more details) but now that I’ve seen the glory that is Supernatural, I know nothing will compare. Hands down best show that I recommend everyone watch. 

 

 9. I’m frighteningly good at arguing/defending myself in conversations. It’s part of my job but I think it’s also part of my DNA. I get it from my dad.

10. I don’t like sweet & salty things eaten together. I know, this one feels anticlimactic for me too as the last fact. But seriously! I don’t like the taste of salted caramel/chocolate or any other combo. I like sweet and I like salty just as long as they aren’t together.

Well, I hope you enjoyed this silly little update from yours truly…

Now it’s YOUR turn! In the comments below let me know a fun fact about you!

Communication 101

I seem to be in a season of constantly thinking about friendship and what it means to be a good friend. This was definitely the focus of my brief time in counseling while I was struggling through depression over the past 9 months and my intense analyzing of friendship has continued even after counseling has ended.

I mentioned some of these similar thoughts in this post, but I wanted to delve a bit deeper and ask you all a question: Whose responsibility is it to keep a friendship alive? I wouldn’t say that I’m a “great” friend because I know that I come with a lot of “friendship baggage” but I will say that I’m constantly thinking about how to be a better friend. This is particularly true now that I’m on an upswing coming out of depression. During that time, I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone. I couldn’t be bothered to care about most of my friends because I barely cared about myself. And I believe that some of my friendships were severely damaged in this time…but is that my fault … or theirs?

Friendship is a two-way street and I know that I played a part in the broken friendships that I’m experiencing now…but wouldn’t it be fair to also say those friends didn’t reach out to me when I was chin-deep in depression?

Honestly, I’m not here to play the blame game but rather look deeper into what makes a friendship work. The main sustaining factor is communication. We must reach out to one another and show that we are thinking about/missing the people in our lives. Communication is what sustains any relationship and helps us to understand the people we care about more than just what we see on social media. It allows friendships to flourish into something meaningful, fun, and life-giving.

That is my new goal for the friendships that I wish to revive/maintain…communication.

 It may seem small to some of you reading this, but I’ve been trying to text and even call more often (I know right..who calls anymore?) so that I show my friends that I care. Some might not reach back, and that’s okay. That’s their decision and I can’t hold that against them. What I can do is reach out and let them know I’m here, trying.

What are some small ways you want to reach out to the people in your life? What goal can you make for yourself this week to communicate better with your family/friends? I’d love to read your thoughts in comments below!

Thanks for reading and I’ll see you soon ❤

Bloglovin’ Yo

Inspired by Zoella‘s blog and her FAQ page, I decided to join Bloglovin‘ and find other bloggers to reach out and connect with as I pursue writing for my blog more seriously…and it was the best decision I’ve made in a long time.  I have found some pretty awesome (and fancy) bloggers out there and some have even reached out to me! I’m inspired by the creativity in posts and the STUNNING designs of some blogs and I want to copy/duplicate them all with my own twist here. My creative juices are flowing! But enough of the mushy stuff…let’s get to the post already!

So many posts that I’ve read recently have felt as though they were written specifically with me in mind. They hit so close to home for me by discussing insecurities in writing and knowing how to “stand out” in the crowd which is exactly what I’m struggling with at the moment. Everyone knows that blogging is popular and it can be hard to distinguish yourself from the millions of other bloggers putting their thoughts out into the world as well.

On Monday night, I broke down in tears with a crippling fear that I am not “unique” enough to be a creator on any medium, let alone my little blog that could. This blog has always been a place for me to express my thoughts, rants, and general fangirl sharing but I always imagined it was just my college friends reading and didn’t think much about it. Over the years college ended but my writing continued and now I’ve really come to love it but still considered it a hobby rather than a serious pursuit up until a few months ago. I don’t know exactly WHY but something finally struck a chord and I realized that I need to put all my creative energy into creating and building something here! I had to ask myself: WHAT have I been waiting for?!

Now that I’m made a commitment to writing, I’ve been able to quickly find others who are doing the same thing but in their own unique voice. I have also been able to feel as though I’m working towards having a place to finally call my own corner of the interwebs. While the blog won’t be changing much in style and look (not yet anyways!) I can’t help but feel a refreshing sense of “newness” as I think about what is ahead.

Thank you  Burt from postcardtheology.wordpress.com for having unique voices and keeping me interested in hearing what you have to say and Cait from notebooksisters.blogspot.com for reaching out to me. Supernatural fans unite!

There was also someone who wrote this AMAZING blog post about the future of blogging and having your own unique voice simply by being genuine and passionate about what you are writing…and I can’t find your link. *sad face * If you’re out there mystery blogger, let me know! I need to read more of what you are putting into the universe. Thank you too!

While the details on bloglovin’ stats (followers? liked posts?) are still a bit hazy for me, I’m glad that I am able to use the site to read other “Lifestyle” blogs (or those without a set niche of content) and find a community that I hope to one day be a part of!

Cheers to what feels like a new beginning!

Commitment

“You are just afraid of commitment” 

A friend of mine said this to me back when we were in college and it was bizarre to hear those words said about me to my face. I never considered myself a person who feared commitment, but ever since she called that out in me, I have been able to see it more and more. I could never commit to just one favorite actor, one favorite food, not even one favorite type of music. (Hint: I basically have no favorites because everything is my favorite, except Jensen Ackles..he’s FOR SURE my favorite.) I still struggle with this to this day! As I’ve written in past posts, I’ve had a lot of options laid before me in terms of what my next steps might be and I find myself stuck. I’m unable to commit to one option for fear that one of the others would be the better choice. There is always that lingering question of, “What if…” that ties me down.

I’m not sure how much this plays into my fear of commitment, but I also find that my interests vary and that I have waves of high interest and low interest within each aspect of my life. Some months I love YouTube and I watch all my subscriptions each week…and some months I couldn’t be bothered to even login and see what videos are being made. This is true also when I think about my job (love it…and also kinda hate it), my education goals, dating…you get the picture.

Even this quote scares the crap out of me. 

However, I’ve decided that it’s high time for me to actually choose one thing and stick with  it regardless of the outcome. And I choose YOU blog readers! I’m committing myself to writing more often and consistently on this blog and see where this road takes me. Could I focus on other projects/desires? Yes…but I have always loved writing on this blog and writing in general so it makes the most sense to continue doing what I love.

In all honesty, even as I type this sentence my brain is saying, “What about YouTube? Or what about going back to school?! What about _____” but I’m just going to place those on another shelf for another time. If something changes, I’ll pursue whatever comes up.

What I ask of you is accountability. Keep me in line if you haven’t heard from me! Remind me of my commitment when I whine about not knowing what to do with my time/life. I want this to be as communal as a blog can be! Join me on this journey 🙂

Here’s to commitment!

When Doctors Attack

Feeling violated by a doctor is never good.

I recently visited my doctor for a yearly checkup to make sure everything is in the right place and working as it should, you know being an adult and all. My normal doctor was out on maternity leave so I settled for another doctor because I didn’t want to put this off any longer. There are a few issues that I’ve needed to have addressed by a doctor so I went ahead and made the appointment.

The day of the appointment came and I was feeling pretty good and excited to see what the doctor would have to say.

I walked in and agreed to a few procedures that I had been avoiding, and walked into the exam room. The nurse told me the doctor would be in soon…she said that he would be right in. HE. I specifically asked for a female doctor. I turned towards her as she was about to walk out and stopped her by asking, “Wait…it’s a guy?”  YES. This was the beginning of the quick downward fall of this horrible doctors visit.

After several extremely anxious minutes, he walked in and greeted me semi-coldly, as I sat in my gown completely vulnerable. He was pleasant enough, but he moved very quickly to rush me through the procedures and not listening to what I had to say about a single thing. While this upsets me now, at the time, I felt powerless and simply allowed it to happen. The exam was uncomfortable and awkward enough and I basically went inside myself to hide. I didn’t have any thoughts or words come to mind that I could say to him about how horrible he was treating me. He was doing something very personal and yet he gave me no warning and insisted on talking about the weight loss options Kaiser offers compared to surgery as he is completing the exam. No. Don’t do this. I’m fine with being touched because you are a doctor and there is a nurse in the room to oversee what you are doing. But I would appreciate you telling me what the hell you are doing instead of discussing the weight loss shakes or classes as you touch my chest and other areas.

I did tear up after it was over and he asked if I was alright. I told him I was embarrassed (which I regret saying) and he casually said what I never want to hear a doctor say to any patient ever again: “It’s okay. I’m a doctor”. This in NO WAY makes it alright for you to treat a patient so robotically and emotionless. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen enough Grey’s Anatomy episodes to know that doctors do need to guard their own hearts against all of the ugliness in their job (illness, death, etc.) but this was an exam that needed some sympathy and less mechanics.

I’m much better now than I was as I walked out of the exam room. I felt the need to share this completely personal post to anyone reading my blog because I want you to know what I didn’t at the time. Stand up for yourself. Speak up and request what you are going to need in order to be comfortable and feel okay about the situation. What that doctor did wasn’t professional and he made me feel violated. Don’t let this happen to you. My mom gave me some advice that I’m going to offer you now: If you aren’t comfortable… tell someone and change it. Make a different appointment, request a new doctor, speak up!

Our words have value and we are worth the extra time/staff that it takes to give us a proper visit with our health care providers.