If you follow me in Instagram and watch my stories, you may have noticed more posts about weight and fatness. I never used to be comfortable with the word FAT and avoided it at all costs. I went through a phase in middle school and into high school when I would only wear big baggy sweatshirts, because I was literally hiding my body…as if the big sweatshirt would trick people into thinking I wasn’t fat. I would sweat through the hot days in the sweater simply because I didn’t want to be seen. I would try to take up less space and be as invisible as possible because I told myself that if people saw me, they would see I was fat and would rather be invisible than that.
I’m not sure exactly when I began to change how I thought about myself and about being fat, but I’m sure it’s connected to the NPR Podcast “This American Life” in the episode with the same title as this post which featured Lindy West and Roxanne Gay. Both writers discussed various aspects of living life in a larger body that I really connected with in a way that, quite frankly, I didn’t expect. I found it fascinating to hear stories from fat women and how they’ve come to accept themselves as they are and now demand society do the same. I confess that, while I stopped wearing sweatshirts in high school, the mentality was still there. Just blend in. If you don’t acknowledge your size, maybe you’re considered thin by default?
It wasn’t until college that I truly began discovering myself and what I valued. I had friendships that challenged me and brought me such joy and happiness. For the first time, I felt seen and known… and I enjoyed it. Who knew that friends who accept me as I am would make me feel good?
I have also started doing a few things to immerse myself in a world that I had previously avoided. I began following other fat women, plus-size podcasts/brands, and searched for fat positive content. I love what Lindy said on the podcast about calling herself fat and accepting that not as a negative but more a description. She talks about how she thought if she didn’t say the word then it meant she wasn’t fat. I think deep down that I had the same approach. I would say “bigger” or “plus-size” rather than just claiming it for myself. I’m fat and that isn’t a bad thing.
In all honesty, I began writing this years ago but kept putting the draft on the back burner and would doubt putting this out into the world because I’ve heard all sides of the “body positive” debate and I didn’t know if I wanted to enter into the discussion. But I feel as though I’ve reached a point where I am comfortable at least sharing my thoughts. I can’t say it won’t change or how often it may sway this way or that, but I’m human and that’s just our nature. I’m not sure where I land on the spectrum of body positivity because it feels like it’s always changing. I’ll always support women regardless of size, but I also think it shouldn’t be demonized to lose weight or make choices regarding healthy eating. I’m not into diets, but sometimes I feel like that’s the “guide” I’d need if/when I begin eating healthier. All of this to say, I’m a mixed bag when it comes to fat-positivity because it seems to mean something different to everyone.
I believe everyone should accept themselves and be able to improve their mental and physical health. I don’t believe that always means losing weight, but I think sometimes it does.
Listen to the Podcast This American Life entitled “Tell Me I’m Fat” here: http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/589/tell-me-im-fat and let me know how you feel about body positivity, fat-phobia, and wellness in the comments below.
Everyday Erika 