Two Sides

So. I feel kinda weird because there’s this YouTube thing I’m doing, but then there is this blog thing I’ve done for a while now. They feel so different and yet, in my last post, I brought them together.

I don’t regret posting the link and I definitely don’t regret doing the YouTube channel. However, I can’t help but continually ask myself how I am going to blend the two together?

*Pauses to think*

The only (potential) answer I’ve come up with is NOT to blend them. Sure, I’ll post links to videos or mention my blog on my channel once in a while…but these seem like two very different sides of myself and I don’t want to confuse the two with each other.

The only other thought I have on the matter is having this be a written response (or lead-in) to the videos I make. Since they are both still me…it seems fair to believe they will “interact” with one another. I might comment further on my videos here instead of make hour long videos of my rambling on. I also think that video is another great outlet to think/process/reflect on life and things happening to me (which was the purpose for this blog initially). So they are definitely related. Cousins perhaps.

Ingrid (my roommate) mentioned this idea she read about that got me thinking A LOT about this issue. This book mentions having different sides within ourselves. There is the creative side and there is also the practical side. Hopefully I’m not misquoting the author (or Ingrid) by saying this. She mentioned that we need to create a space for the creative side to thrive and not let the practical side interfere WHILE we are working with our creative side. It’s as though they are two completely separate people. And I have definitely felt the practical me barge into my head space while the creative me was trying to make a video or write a blog. Creative juices become rotting doubt. I second guess myself instead of allowing my idea to flourish and potentially become something great!

So I’m going to try and create a space were the practical me ISN’T ALLOWED TO BE. I’ll be sure to keep you updated as I look for where this will actually be 🙂  I don’t think it HAS to be a physical space, although that would be nice.

That’s all i got for right now.

See you in either written or video form 🙂

New Project!

My previous post (linked here) hinted at this new project that I was considering working on this year.

Well (I’m kinda shaking as I write this…) I did it. Actually, I’m doing it. Yep. I’m starting a semi-weekly Vlog on Youtube. The link, you ask? Oh. Here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLbAK5yDSS8&feature=plcp

So you may be asking yourself,  “Why Erika?! Why?” and to that I reply WHY NOT?!

I used to think that YouTube was for silly videos, music, and Starkid shows. But I’ve seen YouTube be so much more than that! There are people doing amazing music covers as well as creating their own music and distributing it to fans, creating original characters and content, or using the YouTube platform to engage and educate viewers.

There is also a negative side to joining YouTube. The haters. And I’ve thought about them, watched over 1,000 videos of people who also get their hate mail, and seen that with a tough outer shell the haters can just step aside. I’m sure this will be one of the more challenging aspects to this experiment. I’m ready to see how I respond and how I’ll move forward/past it. That’s honestly what this whole thing is about to some degree. I want to challenge myself to be vulnerable on what can be a very public level. I want to learn more about myself and the world I interact with/live in. I want to experience new things, meet new people, and make my 26th year unlike any other year I’ve lived before. These are high hopes and even higher expectations. I realize that there’s a potential for major letdowns. While I’m not hoping for these things to fail or my heart to be broken, I can’t continue to live my life in the “what if” of it all. I’ve done that before and it’s not really working out for me anymore. So I’m trying something new…

With all that being said, Here’s my first video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLbAK5yDSS8&feature=plcp

I’ve made 2 additional videos since and I’m hoping to pick a day of the week to upload a new video. For now I’m thinking Mondays.

And if you’re so inclined (AND if you have a YouTube account) you can subscribe to watch the new stuff that comes out! Also…give me ideas for things that you would like me to do, discuss, or what have you.

I’m down for a challenge.

Nerdfighters!

[UPDATED] Hello internets. It’s been a while. I’ve been busy, I’m sure you’ve been busy….

Moving on.

I’ve been watching  A LOT of YouTube stuff lately and it’s got me thinking. What makes someone popular on YouTube? I recently began watching (from the beginning way back in 2007) a blog by two brothers who started it as an experiment and now it’s an entire community/movement! How does that happen?

They are Hank & John Green (known on YouTube as the VlogBrothers).

They began with a simple experiment. No textual communication for an entire year. They could only interact through phone calls, in person (which was rare), or through YouTube videos. They also gave themselves the challenge of posting one video a day (each brother on every other day). Now they have grown into YouTube celebrities with side projects, music companies, and numerous fans which are lovingly called Nerdfighters. Yes…I am indeed a Nerdfighter. Watch the video and let me know if you have any questions 🙂

What can I say about these two?? Not much unless you watch some of their videos. Admittedly I am only on the 2009 videos (that Nerdfighter one kinda skipped ahead, but I’ll let that slide for informational purposes). That means that I have 2 1/2 ish more years of videos before I’m all caught up.  So I haven’t seen all their videos, but I’m working on it and with each new video, I find myself more inspired to try something new. I’m working out all the details and logistics, but I’ll be sure to let you know as soon as I know.

What I do know is that I want this upcoming year to be new, challenging,  and most of all…awesome. The Vlogbrothers have inspired me to do what I can to make it just that.

DFTBA.

GO see this movie!

Hi friends!
I recently saw the movie “People Like Us” and I couldn’t tell ENOUGH people to go see this movie. I don’t typically suggest for people to see a movie so strongly, but I really enjoyed this one and I’m willing to bet you (well…most of you) will too!

Without giving too much plot away, I loved this movie because it’s NOT a love story. Well, it’s not a romantic love story. Just as the tagline indicates, it’s a story about family. Most of our families are “normal” from what we know about them. We know who loves us, who has let us down, who hurts us, and who we stay away from. Everyone has that uncle that picks on you, that grandpa who gives you money/food, that sister that bothers the hell out of you, or that mom that won’t stop telling you to wear lipstick because, “It looks good on you”. If you don’t have these characters in your family, you have some other versions and we all know it.

But what if there were a part of your family that you had no idea even existed? “People Like Us” looks at the secrets we keep and the lives we change when we discover just how connected we are to one another.

 I loved this movie because it was a beautiful story, mainly focusing on one man’s journey towards the family he never knew he had and the family he was always meant to discover. To be honest, I was never a Chris Pine fan. He seemed like your average pretty-actor guy. In his past couple of films, (People Like Us; This Means War) I’ve seen him have this ability to start and end the film as a changed/developed character! He has this endearing quality about him; I’m really enjoying his journey as an actor and hope he keeps getting better. In People Like Us, his character Sam, starts out this smooth-talking kind of guy, who kinda makes you feel slimy… but ends up a caring man, who finally puts things in proper perspective.


 I also enjoyed Elizabeth Banks’ portrayal of a stereotypical female role, single mother w/ a troublesome child, because I could see her humanity underneath the stereotype. She was not a caricature of a woman, but rather a hard working lady doing what she can to provide for her family. Plus she was funny and used her sense of humor/timing to bring light to what could be a depressing situation.   


Character development is my FAVORITE thing about TV & film…seeing a character mature and change throughout the course of the movie/season reminds us that we are in our own story and have the chance to grow/develop/learn from the situations and places we find ourselves! Great movies force us to ask, how will we grow and develop throughout the chapters of our lives? How will we turn a bad/awkward situation into something beautiful? 


Here’s the trailer (which is spoiler-heavy) but worth a glance if you need an extra push to seeing this film: 

Life’s Classic moments…

When we’re in the moment, do we know that it’s going to be one of the memories that sticks? 


Prompt #14: Take a black and white photo of a “classic moment” in your life. 


This picture was taken when I flew to Chicago for my 25th birthday. I went to the Slamaganza, met some Starkids, and finally got to meet Julia in person (after Skyping for 6 months!). This trip gave me so many wonderful memories that I want to capture as “classic” moments, but the one that sticks is this. After Skyping with Julia, and talking about reaching for dreams and not sitting around waiting for life to happen…I was inspired to fly to Chicago and go on an adventure! I’d never flown alone before, stayed in a stranger city by myself, or planned to meet someone in person for the first time like this before. 


After this experience, I’ve now also taken trip a trip to New York and plan to again travel on my 26th birthday. I’m even thinking of making it a birthday tradition! All because of this lady, this weekend, and this moment. Classic indeed. 

To my mother

Prompt #13: Write a thank you letter to your Mother, or the most important woman in your life.
I love my mom for a variety of reasons. She’s always been there for me, she loves me, and gives more of herself than pretty much anyone in my entire life. She’s caring and funny, silly and comforting…but the biggest reason that I love my mom is because she has been the only example in my life of purely selfless & unconditional love. I’ve seen her give everything she has for my brother and I on a pretty constant basis. When we were little, it probably went unnoticed because she never made us feel bad for asking things of her. She just made it happen, even if it was physically impossible and then went about her day without condemning or shaming us.
As I continue to grow up and see just how self-sacrificing she is, I’m amazed. In all honesty, I grew up thinking that’s how people treated each other and didn’t think much of it. When the harsh reality that that is not true slapped me in the face, my eyes were opened to see how sacrificial her love was/still is for us.  I know growing up we didn’t have very much money, but what little we had, she would use on our needs and desires and instead of her own. We still have to beg her to use the gifts/money/gift cards we buy her on herself and not on us (it’s OUR gift to YOU mom!).
Also, the most amazing thing about unconditional love is that it cannot be manufactured or falsely created. To me, it’s the most genuine expression of love that exists. Typically, I’ve only heard of this kind of love coming from God. I rarely hear about unconditional love in other relationships because we’re all humans and fail one another constantly. Now, my mom isn’t perfect and there are definitely things that we have done to one another that have caused harm/hurt feelings between us…but she continues to display a real-life human example of unconditional love. No matter how much I hurt her or say something wrong, she loves me. I’ve never ONCE questioned her love for me (in my entire life!). And those who know me, know that I’m constantly questioning how other’s feel about me and doubting that anyone really cares about me. But not her.
I’m so lucky to have YOU as my mom.
Thank you for teaching me how to treat others with respect and dignity, how to love unconditionally, and how to be a strong woman in the face of life’s trials and tribulations. I wouldn’t be half the woman I am without your guidance, patience, and strength.  
I will love you forever and always.

Creative Artwork: Movie Stub

Prompt #11–  Make a creative art piece with a ticket stub based off of how the show made you FEEL.


I’ve posted about this film before, in this post, but it’s one of the first movies that came to mind when I thought about films that moved me emotionally. I’ve read reviews and not many others enjoyed this film, but it really spoke to me on so many levels. Again, see the post to read more details, but I couldn’t think of a better film to use in this creative way. The film broke my heart and left me sobbing once the credits rolled. The love lost, the missed opportunity, and the sadness that couldn’t be expressed due to the cultural constraints placed on him made it move me emotionally.

Charlie OUT!

FAIRY DUST

Prompt # 9: And you thought fairies weren’t real __________ (finish the story.)

Life can be dark and lonely. You’ve believed so many lies about yourself, about your friends, about your life. You believed that no one loved you. You thought that you were invisible to the world around you. You thought no one could love you.  And you thought fairies weren’t real until you saw one for yourself. You were caught off guard at first. Told yourself that you must be imagining things, because fairies aren’t real. You kept repeating to yourself “You live in reality and fairies don’t exist” over and over. Blinking your eyes because you told yourself you were seeing things. But that spark wouldn’t go away. In fact, as you continued to look towards the sparkling figure in the distance, the larger it seemed to become. It was as though it was flying slowly towards you. 
Then, suddenly, the spark, the glitter, the fairy…was in the palm of your hand. You were captivated by it. Couldn’t take your eyes away from it’s beauty. Looking deeper into the light, you see into the soul. You see a longing for justice and kindness. You see compassion and love. You see forgiveness…but you also see wounds. She has some scars that are healing slowly. She has some past hurts that she carries on her heart. You see strength in her wings to continue flying even when the weight of her heavy heart seems to be keeping her down. Power. Wisdom. Love. They are all there, beneath the multiple layers of her dress and woven into the fabric of her soul. 
You look again and details begin to form out of the glittery figure you hold in your hand. You begin see her eyes, her beautiful wings, and her smile. You look closer still, and you see that it’s you. 
You are that beautiful fairy, who is seen from miles away. You are captivating and those around you can’t help but notice your glow. You are filled with love, beauty, compassion, and a longing for justice. You just needed to open your eyes to see all that is within you. Now that you’ve seen yourself and the magick & mystery you hold, don’t easily let her fly away. Keep her safe and protect her glowing light because that is the source of her strength. She is all you are and together, you can overcome the negative and rough world you both exist in. Together, you can accomplish all things. Oh what a beautiful fairy you are. 

This is a story that came from the prompt listed above. It began as an outward fictional experience in storytelling and eventually it turned into an inward fictional experience.


 I hope that we all can see the light and fairy that is within, no matter what your personal description of your fairy may be. It’s there, within you, waiting for you to find it. Today, and everyday after, I pray that I find my fairy and never let her go. 

Charlie Challenge: Magick Room

Charlie Challenge Day 8: Magick Room
[Note: this is yesterday’s post…]

I don’t have an actual room that I regularly go to physically, but I often visit this room in my mind when I write, when I sing, and when I need a “safe” place to be. My room has hanging lights from the ceiling and around the room, filled with pillows and comfortable places to both sleep/rest and sit up to write/draw.

The BEST thing about my room is the outdoor button. I often find my creativity heightened when I’m outside with the gentle breeze blowing through my hair. So my room also comes with an “Outdoor” button that allows you to bring the lights and pillows but sit below a large tree on the grass. Nothing gets dirty and no bugs are allowed to enter my magick room. There are speakers hidden throughout that connects to all the “users” favorite music. The sounds are arranged like they are at Disneyland, where they blend into the environment and add ambiance to fill the room with life. The air smells fresh and clean and natural. You can feel the sun when it’s shining and see the stars when they are their brightest. Welcome to my Magick Room.

Challenge Day 6

Prompt #6- Write a short story about the time you got lost. 


Disneyland 1992. I was 6 years old and my attention was locked on a toy kiosk towards the entrance gates. I remember being so excited to be at Disneyland and ride the rides, see the characters, and have a great day! Thankfully that was the case for majority of the day. 


My family would bring homemade lunches when we went to Disneyland to avoid paying such high costs for meals within the park. They had this picnic area to the side of the park (which I’m sure no longer exists) where we would “exit” the park to eat lunch and then re-enter once we were done. After we had eaten, we were getting ready to head back in, when the kiosk immediately grabbed my attention. As we walked towards the gates, I stopped to look at all the toys that were on display. I totally assumed that my mom was right behind me the whole time. I honestly don’t remember how long it had been, but once I lost interest (or realized that I would never own one of those toys) I turned around to find my mom so the fun could continue. But she was no where to be found. I looked around again for my dad or SOME form of a familiar face. Nothing. I immediately panicked and walked around looking for them. 


Thankfully, there weren’t THAT far away (around the corner leaning on the wall) so I found them pretty fast. But for a little kid, that felt like too long to be “lost” in such a huge place.