Sunrise, Sunset

Can YOU see it? 

Last week, I had the unique opportunity to stay with my mom at her house because her house mates were on vacation in Hawaii, giving us the house for ourselves! I had a pretty rough weekend leading up to this week, so I grabbed at the chance immediately. Time away from LA without having to take vacation days? I’m there! Plus, spoiler alert: I’ll be moving somewhere else in August and I kinda need to figure out where exactly that will be. Could be LA, could be anywhere commutable (that’s a word?) to work.

 So! In addition to having some time away from my current housing situation…I figured I would also use this time to experiment with commuting to LA from Ventura County. I know…lofty goals! This is one of my options for moving if I can’t find a place in the LA area. While I do love my hometown, it’s not high on my priority list of options mainly because of the distance to work and the headache of coming to LA for any shows that I might see. I’m so spoiled now living in LA and having most venues less than 10 miles from my house. So there’s that…

But now I’m getting ahead of myself. This isn’t happening until the summer, so let’s table that thought for now. What I want to share with you is the beauty I experienced on my drive. Going into the week, I was very anxious about getting to and from work. I thought the train was going to be the best option, but ended up having to drive in on Monday for my singing lesson. I was so nervous about sitting in my car for 2 hours and being so pent up with road rage that my work day would push me over the edge. BUT! Instead I was given this view the first 20 minutes of my drive:

Who knew the world could BE so beautiful at 6:20am?

My work day was fine, but I found myself feeling those anxious feelings again leading into driving home. Being stuck in that 2 hour traffic and getting home with a raging headache. BUT! I got this instead:

 WHAT?! Another fantastic show to entertain my eyes along with several brake lights ahead of me. I couldn’t even complain about the low speeds with this surrounding me.

I couldn’t help but take pause, and really think about the gifts these sunrises and sunsets were to me. God sure knew I would need a beautiful painting to illustrate the backdrop for this little experiment. It was gorgeous and much appreciated. I can’t believe I’ve been missing this each morning! What other hidden gems am I missing?

Who knows where I’ll find myself come August. But after last week, I know there’s undiscovered beauty out there just waiting for me to take a different route to find or wake up that much earlier to see. Each new day is a new chance for life to happen.

I’m excited.

My last morning, I had some extra time waiting for the train, so I played with my phone and took these. They are kinda my favorites. Until next time!

Reflections on 2012

I’m “taking” this blog post from Larissa, Reflections on 2012 , and copying it for myself! I love reflection and these questions are fun! Took me longer than I thought, but here ya go!

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
Met people in person that I had been friends with online (mainly twitter).  

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t remember making any resolutions actually. 2012 was a rough year and started out pretty rough too. But hopefully 2013 is better! Haven’t made any “resolutions” but I have made habitual change goals (which sounds like fancy resolutions) to not pile up clothes in my bedroom and eat better!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
The inspiration for this blog entry, Larissa did! She welcomed her daughter Alex in August!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Death is unfortunately a big part of my extended family experience. My mom’s uncle died the day after my birthday this year 😦 (plus others throughout the year). 

5. What countries did you visit?
None.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
More traveling and weight loss.

7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 2012 will always be “Darren on Broadway” in my mind. Specifically January 12th when we saw the show! 


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Hmm, I lacked a lot of achievements this year (in my mind). 

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not staying with any weight loss program 😦 

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Some illness when it got cold again but nothing major. 

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I’m not too sure…hmm, possibly Downton Abbey Season 2 dvd? 

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I’m not sure if he reads this, but my brother Josh. He bought us all Christmas presents this year and what’s impressive was that he put thought and SO MUCH MORE effort than he ever has before. Although we never asked for gifts, it’s nice to see my brother mature into someone who thinks about us once in a while. ❤ I was impressed and felt very loved!  

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Hmm. Other “fans” at concerts upset me at times…

14. Where did most of your money go?
Eating out 😦 

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
 Watching Netflix on my TV at home! Took us way too long to figure out it could be done through our Wii System! 

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
 Call Me, Maybe…. 

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
b) thinner or fatter?
c) richer or poorer?
 Sadder, fatter, but richer! haha. Working to change those first two this year (I’ll be posting more soon). 

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Sing in front of people and pursue more musical hobbies. Oh Also dates. I wanna go on more of those…

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? 
Eat out.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my mom and brother in a house we had to call our own! It was glorious. One of the best Christmases our family has had in a while (for me at least). 

21. How did you spend New Year’s?
 Original plan was to escape to the Grand Canyon, but snow ruined that plan. So my friend and I stayed in our PJ’s and watched Glee all night. It was pretty awesome. 

22. Did you fall in love in 2012?
Nope. 

23. How many one night stands?
None.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Downton Abbey.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No.

26. What was the best book you read?
The Fault in Our Stars by John Green.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Walk the Moon. Without question! See videos below!

28. What did you want and get?
iPad

29. What did you want and not get?
Too many things to mention… 

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I really liked Argo…I don’t know why but I have a hard time recalling movies I have seen…

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I went to California Adventure with my dad and his friends. I turned 26.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Seeing Darren perform live and/or getting to say hello to him again. Not sure this will happen ever again, but I’m sure hoping it will! Maybe when we work together professionally?! *crosses fingers*

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
Comfort and flattery. I hope to become more fashionable this year.

34. What kept you sane?
Moments alone and cuddles with Joon (my cat). 

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
 Darren Criss (always) and my newest love, Kevin Ray. 

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
LGBTQ Equality and discussions.

37. Who did you miss?
I missed the college version of myself a lot this year. I thought a lot about who I was in college and who I am now. I think I liked myself better in college…

38. Who was the best new person you met? 
All my twitter friends. Courtney, Morgan, Ana, Rebecca, and Teddy. I love them all so dearly and so glad something as silly as twitter brought us together. And any new friends that I keep meeting too!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012. 
Getting to know yourself is one of the hardest and best things anyone can do.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I must have tumbled out of a plane, ‘cuz I free fell all year. 

Here is an old concert of them playing the song. 


Acoustic version that I love.

Thanks Larissa for the inspiration! I hope to do this each year! 

O Holy Night

Today is Christmas Eve. The day Jesus was born. The day that we celebrate and rejoice the miracle of Jesus! 

So today I’m putting aside my own hang-ups with God and religion to really reflect on the birth of Jesus. I’m sort of like Blaine Warbler (for all my Glee fans) in that I express myself best through song. So why not take a deeper look into my all-time favorite Christmas song?! 

O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shinning. The weary world rejoices For wonder breaks a new a glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh hear the angel voices. Oh night  divine. Oh night, when Christ was born.Oh night divine!
Truly He taught us to love one another. His law is love, and His gospel is peace. Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother. And in His name, all oppression shall cease. Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we, with all our hearts we praise His holy name. Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we, His power and glory ever more proclaim! His power and glory…ever more proclaim!


What I love about this song is the reverence it holds for Jesus and the majesty of this moment. My favorite part is the energy/build-up as they sing “Fall on your knees“. This is something to be in awe of…something so glorious that our only response is to fall on our knees. This is such a moving image of the world responding to it’s savior. We were lost in the muck and sin, and weary were we. Then…when we had lost hope, He appears and we experience the thrill of hope restored! The only response to the beauty and overwhelming love before us is to fall to our knees. What a divine night indeed. 

I love that the song also talks about the life of Jesus. It talks about His teachings, what He came to do, and what the outcome of His life was to be. Christ is the Lord over all the struggles that we go through. He is with each of us and cares deeply for us. His name is powerful enough to heal and remove oppression. Not only did He come to earth to be with us but he came to heal us. And it all began in his birth. His law is love and He came to teach us peace. 

Overall, this song speaks to me in a very personal and profound way. It reminds me that Christmas is not about the lights, the tree, or the treats (even though I LOVE all of those things) but instead about God leaving all the comforts of heaven to struggle and live life among us. He chose to arrive as a powerless and poor infant. I have many doubts and painful reasons why I have kept God at a distance for several years now…but this always reminds me why I have not given up on faith completely. THIS selfless and compassionate act will always profoundly speak to why I love and trust in Jesus. And this song reminds us that this wasn’t just ANY other night nor was it any other birth. This was the birth of Jesus. O Holy Night. Fall on your knees…allow your soul to truly feel it’s worth. Allow your heart to feel the deep love He has for you. Allow your spirit to feel the beauty and presence of God as we celebrate this joyous occasion. 

Below are some of my favorite versions of this song, sung by some of the most talented and beautiful voices I have ever heard. Their talent and vocal strength show the song the respect it commands. While Lea Michele will always hold a special place in my heart, Luke Edgemon moves me to tears each time. Enjoy….

Josh Groban 
Luke Edgemon 

Lea Michele on Glee.

Obsession Sharing Time!

Those who follow me on twitter have already been exposed to my crazy love for this band, but I realized the other day that not everyone is on twitter (a shame really). So I figured I would use my small blog platform to introduce my latest (and in my opinion…greatest) obsession. 
Walk the Moon. 
Ohio boys who play killer tunes, love dancing, and paint their faces! This band has brought me so much joy because of their music and interviews I’ve seen online. I was lucky enough to meet two members of the band at a recent show at Capitol Records and they were simply the sweetest, most genuine guys I’ve ever met. And that’s saying a lot from me because I’ve met someone who was pretty gosh-darn genuine too (rhymes with Carren Driss). This may shock some who have heard me gab on and on about said genuine person, but I’m going to say it anyways…I like the boys of Walk the Moon more than anyone right now. I haven’t seen ONE bad video of them live or otherwise. Their live show is outstanding! You can literally feel the positive energy vibrate throughout the entire building. They smile and dance around, interacting with the audience like no other band I’ve ever seen before. Vocally, they are the strongest singers I’ve seen in a long time. You can tell they truly understand music and take the singing aspect just as seriously as they do their guitars and drums. I don’t believe this is true for a lot of bands out there today. The lead singer, Nicholas, is particularly sharp in his execution of performing vocally while playing along with the band. He continues to impress and amaze me with each new performance. 
This is an early performance, in a place close to my heart (Madison Square Park)
I saw an interview where they talk about having fun and being told by fans/audiences that they actually look like they are having fun on stage. And they do! They replied that they are having fun and want their audience to have fun with them. They know most bands just look down or get so “into” their music (which is fine) but they want to share that experience with their fans! I love them for thinking that way and taking their live performance so seriously. 
And that’s just the beginning to my love affair with this group. But I’ll leave you with the performance below, which I think showcases both their live performance, acoustic setting, and their personality as a band. Fun, energetic, but mostly joyful! It’s also my favorite song, tightrope! This heart is burning up!! 
Enjoy!! 

12/12/12 and Prompts!

I’ve had this prompt in mind for a while now, and today seems like a good day to be a bit more creative than confessional/personal. Let’s see what happens! 

I was… hoping to get this done without stress, but today’s workload was too heavy. 
I am… looking forward to going home and possible shopping tonight! 
I think… that 2013 needs to be a better year than 2012 has been. 
I wonder…  when I’ll be able to say “I love my job” and truly mean it (at least 90% of the time).
I wish… people were nicer/more selfless. 
I save… barely any money for my savings account. But I’m working on it!! 
I always… regret not working out before work! It feels so much better when I do. 
I can’t imagine… what life will look like in 10 years! 
I believe… In God, even when He feels so distant. 
I promise… myself that I’ll take better care of me and not take life for granted. 
I love… the power of music in my life. Gives me energy, removes stress, or helps me feel an emotion no other thing can. 
Well, that’s all I got for today. Maybe I can make this a semi-regular piece here to constantly reflect on my day/week. This was fun!

So this happened.

I’m entirely sure how to feel about it either. I mean, I’m glad that it’s “over” and I’ve submitted the application. But I’m also scared of what the future holds. I have placed a LOT on getting back into school and only affording it because of the discount I received by being a staff of the university. I’m not really sure what I’ll do if I don’t get in…but let’s not think about that.

I figure I’ll use this time to reflect on my journey towards submitting my application…

Working here has been a learning experience in patience, understand, and finding purpose. In the course of my almost 4 years working here, I’ve struggled to find my place, struggled to find purpose, and (on a daily basis) struggled  to be nice on the phone when I’m being yelled at for something I didn’t do…

While looking for purpose or some direction in life, I found the Critical Studies Department within the School of Cinematic Arts and fell in love! From what I’ve researched, it’s perfection in a program. It combines my true loves of TV-Film and Entertainment culture studies! After looking at other programs the university offers (and frankly being disappointed) I was glad to see the school have some program for people like me…those who like love entertainment but don’t necessarily want to be a director or work on the production side of things. Working on a set would be awesome, but not sure that can be my full-time job considering it’s frakking hard to do and doesn’t get me going as much as lively discussions do!

So…that’s it.

Now I wait.

And wait.

And wait more.

The future has a lot in store and I can feel the changes ahead. They’re coming. Some I want to avoid (like the stress of work AND school) and some I am ready and open to accept (like getting to write papers again!).

If you are a praying person, I gladly welcome prayers and good vibes!

❤ Erika

WHOA.

Time is flyin’ by these days. I feel like I have so much to write about and yet nothing at all. I’m not sure I can actually write out entire paragraphs at this point, but I do want to update some things that have been going on for the past 2 months or so:

  • I’m applying to return to school to get my Masters in Cinematic Arts; specifically Critical Studies for the Fall 2013. 
  • Taking TOOK the required GRE (which is a graduate school entrance exam) on Thursday, November 8th. 
    • Been spending all my free time at coffee houses studying and trying to re-learn my entire high school education. 
    • Realized just how awesome I am at algebra
    • Realized how awesomely bad I am at all other math.
  • Finishing up my actual school application which is due December 1st. 
  • Looking forward to being done with this whole process and resting through the holidays. 
    • Hopefully not stressing too much about whether I get in or not. 
  • I enjoy making lists.
  • I also enjoy wearing rings and watches. 
    • I believe I’m starting a watch collection. I keep finding new watches that I love! 
One great thing that I’ve learned/remembered about myself in this process is how much I love academics. Even though I wanted to rip my eyes out studying ratios, exponents, and fractions, I still loved having something to study. I love working long hours on papers, researching topics, discussing viewpoints and discovering new ideas! This whole thing has really motivated me even more to get into grad school and pursue the academic study of media’s influence both culturally and emotionally on us as people and as a society. 
I hope to make a new video this weekend and get back into the swing of things here as well! 

Humbled. Inspired. Moved.

I’m a frequent YouTuber at this point and everyday I look at my subscriptions to see who posted a video, what new videos I can watch, and look for others to subscribe to. This has become a habit, especially working in an office that has a “slow season” which we find ourselves in currently.

One of those subscriptions is for a channel called SoulPancake. It honestly teeters on the edge of my subscriptions because some stuff I find boring or useless (Sorry!) but this newest upload has me humbled, inspired, and moved.

Please Watch before you continue.

It came out of nowhere, because like I said, SoulPancake is hit or miss with me lately. But this hit home and hit hard. This couple seems so strong and positive that it almost is unbelievable. And that’s not on them, but rather on me and my cynicism. Watching the “clip” I felt humbled to have my health and my family and the life that I have right now. I felt inspired to live an even better life and to love myself and then have the capacity to spread that love to others. Then, I felt moved to tears AND action. Tears because…C’mon did you SEE the video?? Who doesn’t feel for this guy? But then action because if he can do something to encourage and change the world, we all can! And I love that he didn’t say any specific political agenda, religion (even though I read into what he said a bit), or environmental cause. He encourages us simply to

“cultivate a sense of love and community where you live, where you work, and where you play.” 

 Sure, he gives us his examples of doing these things (shopping locally, etc.) but he allows us to make this commitment on our own terms and in the ways that work for us and our unique communities. So let’s honor him and promise to cultivate love and community wherever life takes us! 
Today, as I write this, I’m having a pretty shitty work day. Excuse my language. But it’s true and in order to not spread the anger and bitterness that I really want to scream out at people, I’m going to leave these feelings at work for the evening and instead choose love. I’m going to remember how blessed I am to have a job. I’m going to remember that people like Ryan Wood exist and that makes it worth it to continue. 
This next part is going to make this post SUPER SIZED but I feel it’s important to say at this point. Some know of my struggles in my faith and some don’t. Some know that I do call myself a Christian but that I’ve been doubting basically everything I’ve been taught for the better part of 2 years now. It’s been a pretty dark season for me and honestly I don’t know when it’ll “end” or how it will resolve. 
This video, however, feels so timely and pertinent to me that I cannot help but attribute it to God. I know some here don’t share my  faith and I do not mean to impose or offend. But let’s be honest, this is my blog and these are the things on my mind. So stay with me! I feel as though God allows us space to explore, question, yell, and doubt Him. Within that space, He sends reminders that He’s still there and ready for us to return. I’m not at a point ready to return or fully proclaim restoration and all that jazz…but I am in a place ready to acknowledge these moments when I feel reached out to or reminded. 
Thanks for the reminder Big Guy 😉 And thank YOU person who read this WHOLE blog post! Thanks for sticking with me!

Lastly, while his updates aren’t frequent lately (as I’m sure you understand why) he does have a blog and he is still writing when he has the energy. I do encourage you to read it to keep up with him and his family. He is a Christian, so his blog is definitely more pointed than the video…but no less inspirational: http://www.grassrootsconspiracy.com/blog/ 

As always, I’d love to hear from you. Comments are always welcomed ❤

Brave Enough to Fail

Failure is NEVER an option.

Except when it is.

And let’s be honest; sometimes it’s the ONLY option. It’s part of life and I hate that this is true, but it is. One of life’s hardest lessons has been learning that failure is not the worst that can happen. Obviously situations can change and failure might be pretty horrible depending on the circumstances…but I’m not starring in this summer action movie and the world does not depend on my next move being perfectly perfect!

I’ve devoted a lot of energy and time to being as perfect as possible and it hasn’t gotten me very far. Sure I got good grades in high school and working hard in college helped me basically “fall into” graduating with a double major in two subjects I absolutely love. But all of that was done in the safety and comfort of never failing. I’m proud of these accomplishments, but I also regret not doing a lot of other things (Like Spring in New York through NYU or looking for better TV/Film internships, etc.)

The fear of failure has given me some awesome gifts in my life but it’s also held me back from truly experiencing life to it’s fullest. I’m the type of person who always followed the rules and parents/adults always praised me for it. But I don’t have stories to tell of my childhood from when I was grounded or busted. I don’t have any experiences of breaking rules or doing something “bad” to share with anyone. I don’t have that story about one truly awesome night when I tried to do that one thing, failed miserably and became a better person because of it. I just was. I just am. Continuously. Over and over again.

That’s OK for the past me. I don’t think I was ready to be risky or put myself out there when I was 13, 16, or even 21 for that matter.

But I am now.

My YouTube channel is something that I love and yet constantly doubt. Each moment I’m recording, I ask myself, “Is this even funny? Or is this pointless?” And I consider giving up. I can’t keep up with my original schedule for weekly videos and that feels like failure. I’m tempted to just stop and start again when my life is interesting or when I have a “point” to my videos. BUT NO! I must continue if I want to get better. I also must remember that everyone has a start/beginning and can only get better from there. I won’t be able to make hilarious videos like Wheezy Waiter…not yet anyways. I’m not The Vlogbrothers and that’s ok because I’m Erika. Specifically, I’m Erika26Blog 🙂

There is another element in my life that I’m constantly questioning and that’s going back to school. I’ve been studying for the GRE and honestly felt so intimidated and so much self-doubt that I almost gave up. The test cost $175 and what if I fail? Or what if I apply for grad school and don’t get in?

Answer: I figure out what to do next. I try again next year? I open up my options to other schools or opportunities? I’d have so many regrets if I don’t at least TRY to get in and have the life that (right now) sounds like the best plan for me. Being a flexible professor, possibly a producer, and creator sounds like a bomb resume to me! I’d love to teach classes on media critical studies, then head to set, or development meeting! Maybe I’m naive and maybe this dream isn’t possible. But who am I to stop before I even try?

Failure is definitely possible in all of the things I’m attempting this year. But I’m no longer afraid. And I’m not going to stop until I succeed and get everything I ever wanted…or fail and find another way.

Hey you, reading this blog post, Don’t Forget To Be Awesome (even if it’s an awesome fail). *repeat*