Newest Obsession: Breaking Bad

I know I’m many months (and tweets) behind the times on this one, but I just finished the series finale of AMC’s Breaking Bad and I have some thoughts that I wanted to share. If you have yet to watch the show and/or you wish to avoid *SPOILERS* please stop reading here. Come back after you’ve watched it all and let’s chat! But until then…


Okay. First, can you believe this show that we watched?! Insane in all the best ways, right?! Now that that’s
out of my system, let’s discuss. As I begin to plan out my thoughts it seems I can only form bullet points. So below are some of my initial thoughts after finishing the entire series.

  • Jesse Pinkman, as a good friend called him, is a pure prince of meth. 
  • I have never hated and (yet often rallied) for such a character as Walter White.
  • If you had any inclination to make meth for personal profit, this show will set you straight.
  • Writing a good show doesn’t mean having it all planned out ahead of time. It means knowing your characters and the story that you want to tell. All other details will come later.
    • Side note: How annoying it must be to have this show compared to LOST because they are in NO WAY similar. 
  • I’m becoming  more and more against spoilers. I had the basic ending of Breaking Bad spoiled and I do believe it made the emotions weaker, my experience was changed (although not ruined) by spoiled information.
    • Side Note: Don’t wait 4-6 months to watch a show and expect NOT to be spoiled. Let’s be realistic. 
  • I have never watched a show and gotten such a visceral reaction to an episode. I was shaking and breathing heavy when the credit’s rolled. The episodes were To’Hajiilee and Ozymandias. I still can’t believe what I saw in those episodes. 
  • Aaron Paul’s ability to give Jesse such emotional depth was a joy to watch. He deserved all the awards! 
I’m sure there are many more points to be made but that’s what I have for you. If you have any thoughts you’d like to add, leave a comment below. 

January 1st, 2014…

…was a new day!

I’m rusty on my blog writing skills. I figure I needed a warm up sentence to get the juices flowing since my last post was nearly 2 months ago 🙂

So, I’m not usually the type of person who thinks, “Oh yeah!!! I’m gonna OWN this year. 2014 is MY time to shine” with the new year. In fact, I can tell you that I’ve never had those thoughts run through my head.

This year, however, does feel different than previous years. Particularly compared to 2013. Whew, that year kicked my ass and I’m still licking my wounds. Most of my friends know that I’m not good with change and 2013 was filled with major life changes that made the last part of the year an intense uphill battle. Everything felt harder and heavier. Getting to work became a daily struggle. Eating healthy was near impossible after 3 hours commuting on trains and trams every day. Seeing the positives in my life became a challenge. 

These changes are still hard to get through… but it’s becoming more manageable with each passing month.

But all of that was so 2013 and I’m so ready for change to be a positive in my life! Thankfully, the start of the year has been one of the best I can remember. My day consisted of:  Sleeping in, praying/writing at Starbucks, returning to the gym, cleaning/organizing my room, and starting Breaking Bad on Netflix. BEST.DAY.EVER. And maybe that makes me a nerd but I couldn’t be bothered to care. It was an amazing feeling. I felt hope and excitement for the first time in weeks.

There are still dark days when I can’t handle life outside my own head, but thankfully there are also going to be days when life is a little brighter and I can handle the hard stuff more easily.

Here’s to new beginnings and a fresh start. 

A Sunken Place

Depression wears a lot of masks.

It looks like people.
It looks like no one.

It sounds like tear drops.
It sounds like silence.

It feels like isolation.
It feels like standing in a crowded room.

It is one thing.
It is all things smashed together.
It is a mosaic.
Each tile for each day.
Each color depicting the vast landscape of highs and lows.
Depression is laughter in the midst of tears.

It feels like inadequacy.
It feels like losing hope.

It sounds like self-reflection.
It sounds like seeking help.

Depression looks like people.
Depression looks like me.

Depression wears a lot of masks.

Things I Learned: September

I haven’t written a post in a while, so I figure I would look back on September and see what lessons I’ve learned! My inspiration for this post is from Larissa Marks’ post, which can be found here! The lessons can be profound, but most are mundane. In no particular order:

1. Having life rhythms keeps me sane: Moving to Fullerton has messed up all my habits and practices, and that’s driving me nuts. I’m at the mercy of trams, train schedules, and metro rails just to get to and from work everyday and I’m exhausted. My goal for October is to find my new rhythm and hopefully my sanity will follow.

2. Trains can be fascinating research into human interaction: I take three different trains depending on when I wake up and when I need to be at work, but on each train there are the usual suspects. The “regulars” who know one another but on a strictly train-only basis, the bicyclists, the business men and women in tennis shoes and suits, and everyone in between. My findings so far: people are the weirdest creatures.

3. Concerts are expensive: Especially when you get to see Katy Perry, Justin Timberlake, and Walk the Moon in the same month! #humblebrag

4. Netflix is the best boyfriend: No explanation needed.

5. Sam and Dean Winchester are probably my favorite characters….ever: Yep, bringing up Supernatural again, but can you blame a girl?

 

6. I’m definitely a cat person: Living with a dog is so much harder than living with a cat. I know Joon was the BEST CAT EVER, but still. #catsrule is my new motto.

7. Asking for help is harder than it seems: Especially when you’re not sure who to ask or even what kind of help you really need. That’s why friendships are so important. I didn’t particularly “learn” this in September, but was reminded of it’s value.

8. I’ve gained new-found hope in building bridges between LGBT and churches/christians: Participating in a reading group of Andrew Marin’s book “Love is an Orientation” with a church in Fullerton has been a highlight of moving there. I really enjoy our weekly discussions and am challenged by it each week. ❤

9. Working out is fun! But you actually have to do it: This is actually an on-going lesson for me. Ugh. Working out, weight loss, all of that.

10. Never thought I would say this, but: I miss living in LA. Not all the time…but sometimes.

What did you learn in September?

Obsession: Supernatural

To know me is to know that I am an obsessive person. Once I find something that I love/enjoy, I jump directly into everything about it so that I can know as much as possible. I’ve noticed that overtime, some of these obsessions cool down and become regular/mild interests, while others remain strong obsessions for years (CC: Nsync). So this being my outlet for thoughts, I figure I would make this a theme in my writing occasionally. Labeled under “Obsession” I will write out what’s got my attention lately.

We begin this series with Supernatural.

Judge me if you will, but only if you’ve watched at least 3 episodes first! If not, move along in your judgement.

I remember when this show started, back when it was on the WB (…tear) and I thought it looked ridiculous. Especially since I watched Gilmore Girls and seeing Jared Padalecki on this new show was dumb. Plus, I’ve never been into scary/horror shows, so I was even less interested in watching Supernatural. Oh how wrong I was. To give myself some credit, it premiered during my freshman year of college and I was starting to think the WB was for a younger TV viewer. Looking back, I have so many TV regrets!

Let’s continue….

The series follows the Winchester brother as they hunt demons, ghosts, monsters, and other figures of the supernatural. The show is about to start it’s 9th season (!!!) and thanks to my handy Netflix subscription, I am currently in the middle of Season 3 hoping to catch up by the premiere in October. I have a lot of catching up to do and I cannot wait! I will admit that the scary stuff in the show does get to me at times. I look away or mute the sound because it is legit scary. Evil spirits and demons freak me out. But they defeat them! Faith and religion are also discussed in the show and I have come to appreciate the ways they discuss God, religion, spirits and such. Keep in mind there are 5 entire seasons of material and mythology that I have yet to see, but still, I have enjoyed the discussion so far. I won’t go into too much plot or detail in the show, but instead dive into the reason this is my newest obsession.

The Winchester Brothers. Period. The end. 

It’s their brotherly love and support that gives the show it’s heart and soul. All the other good stuff (spot on humor, gorgeous men, and interesting mythology!!!) is a bonus in my opinion.

Its so beautiful to see these brothers act the way that they do for one another. I can’t put my finger on exactly why this bond is so endearing,  but it is. Maybe it’s because I’m not used to seeing this kind of love between siblings on TV. I’m used to brothers who “get along” or brothers who are loving/good to one another, but the Winchesters take it to a whole other level. They depend on each other. They constantly make sacrifices for one another. They look out for one another. They love each other. They are the only family they got! They would die for one another if it came down to it. They are also the most macho and yet equally emotional male characters that I’ve seen on TV. They cry for one another and mourn losses together. It’s beautiful.

There is a lot more to discuss and a lot more that keeps me hooked, but for now that’s all I’ll go into. I know it’s a lot to take in and the evil stuff is pretty intense so I wouldn’t recommend it if you scare easily… but if you’re looking for a show heavy with emotions, love, fighting evil, and two pretty handsome guys…watch Supernatural. You won’t regret it. I sure don’t.

Side Note: I’ve been watching some YouTube clips of Jared and Jensen (actors who play the Winchesters) and they seem to have an equally strong friendship outside of the show as their characters do on the show. It’s really adorable. Below is a clip of the boys impersonating each other’s characters:

http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/J8Jy6bMlgW0&source=uds

Lastly! I’m not the only one who thinks this. Check this list of TV’s Top brothers (#1!): http://www.buddytv.com/slideshows/24/tvs-best-brothers-70480.aspx

Summer of ’98

Today is a strange day. This post is going to be a strange post. But let’s go with it…

When I was 12 years old I met the love(s) of my life.
From the moment our eyes met, we knew nothing could keep us apart.
I saved every picture, planned out dates according to their schedule, and I fully supported each of their new endeavors. 

Yes, I am talking about Nsync. My family can attest to my devotion to anything (and everything) that they did. And now with the uproar over the rumored “reunion” at the VMAs (crossing fingers SOMETHING happens on Sunday!) I can’t help but look back and remember just what this boy band meant to me back then and what it means now.

Back in the summer of 1998 my family was struggling with the diagnosis my grandma had been given. After being sick for a long time, they finally knew it was cancer. I was 12 years old and going back and forth between my mom’s place, dad’s place, and grandma’s house so that my mom could care for grandma. In the midst of the sadness and chaos, I happen to be watching Disney Channel and saw a concert special promo featuring a group I had never heard. Little did I know that the Nsync Disney concert would not only be the spark of my Nsync obsession, but also the thread that tied my entire summer together.

http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/H53sR6zDAX0&source=uds
I can’t remember the first time I saw this concert. But I can say that I must have watched it (either on TV or from my recorded tape) at least 100 times (no joke) throughout that summer. It was that time in life when boys became…… BOYS. So having 5 guys dance around and make you fall in love with them was welcomed. Even my grandma would comment on how much we watched it! I got my brother to watch, my cousins, aunts and uncles; everyone watched! Mind you there was only one TV in the house at the time, but that’s besides the point! Looking back now, I can see why everyone allowed me to watch these boys dance around…they all knew. You see, being 12 years old, I couldn’t really handle the reality of death. So this concert became my safe place. These 5 boys became my escape. 
That summer most days were spent with family; sitting around enjoying one another, watching TV, and caring for one another along with enjoying what moments we had with grandma. It was the most bittersweet summer of my entire life. I had all this family around me and yet it was all to mourn the nearing loss of someone so close to my heart. It was the first death that I can remember really being touched by. She was my caretaker for so many years and we spent MANY weekends with her prior to all of this happening. She was the best grandma I could have asked for. 
The summer of 1998 was a turning point in my life and I’ll be forever changed by the experiences I shared, bonds that were made, and memories I’ll keep forever. You may think it silly, but Nsync brought me closer to my family that summer and are forever linked to everything that happened. They got me through my grandma’s death and continue to make me smile when I look back at old pictures or watch concert footage. One of my cousins (who was also obsessed and would watch the concert right by my side) would always say that Nsync came on the radio during moments we were crying because they knew. I know that’s crazy now, but 12 year old me believed it to be true. I smile thinking about how real that was for me and how innocent a thought it was to get me through my sadness. 
Regardless of whether the reunion happens or not, having them back in pop culture discussions this week has meant the world to me. You see today, August 22nd, is the day my grandma passed away that summer. So having them back in my life for this brief moment as we reflect on her life and today’s anniversary of her death has brought it all full circle. Once again they are there to comfort me and bring a smile to my face as tears fall from my eyes. 
They’ll never read this, but I can’t help but say thanks to them for what role they’ve played. These guys brought me into adolescence and made me happy. They distracted me from the ugliness life can throw at you and replaced it with catchy songs and teenage dreams. They entertained me back then and continue to do so today. Thanks guys. 
Grandma Nora, I miss you so much. 15 years has passed so quickly. I hope I’ve become the woman you wanted me to be. I can’t wait until I can see you again.  
Grandma (holding baby brother), Mom, and myself (looking away).

Leaving LA: Its Really Happening

I want to start off by saying that I’m not in love with LA. In all honesty, I don’t like LA at all.

With that said, I feel sad as I think about moving away from the place I’ve called home for the past 5 years. I can’t help but look back at all the things I’ve experienced and learned here. These are just some memories that have a story behind them, but I will list the headlines of my time in LA below:

  • Moved here for an internship for urban ministry, not knowing WHAT to expect. 
  • Had my faith shaken by life and some pretty messed up experiences. 
  • Had my iPhone stolen; just to be brought back to me by a good samaritan who saw it happen. 
  • Discovered some new-obsessions…YouTube, Darren, etc. 
  • Lived in 3 different houses in the course of 5 years. 
  • Made new friends using twitter (of all things)
  • Stopped going to church  
  • Struggled to figure out what I believed in again.
  • Took singing lessons and loved every minute of it. 
  • Developed a voice that I never knew I had. 
  • Continued to grow in my passion for LGBT rights and issues. 
  • Worked at L.A. Live at the movie theater as a second job and met some pretty amazing/hilarious people! 
Things I learned here: 
  • USC (and the South LA area it’s located in) isn’t as scary as everyone tells you it is. 
  • How to survive without heat or A/C in houses without insulation (which is basically like camping inside your home.)
  • Small concerts are WAY better than the huge mega-star concerts. 
  • Having a driveway is like owning a treasured jewel, it’s so rare and it’s a parking space saved just for you! 
  • Parking tickets are annoying but definitely part of the LA experience. 
It’s been a rollercoaster 5 years but I’m glad I can say that I’ve lived in LA and I’ve gained these experiences that I might never had if I stayed in the suburbs. 
BUT! With all that said, I did pack up my life and move back to Fullerton. For various reasons and circumstances, I’m back in the suburbs and I have mixed feelings. It’s been a transition week of taking a train into work, driving to the train station, and acclimating to the quiet that is my new home. There’s A/C, cable TV, and my own space to retreat to each night. Overall, I’m happy and excited for what’s to come from my time here and see where I live after this! 
Thanks to everyone who reads these and has supported me! 
Also, my last post was my 100th post! WOW.  I can’t believe it! 

Life Updates in July!

Time sure flies when you’re working two jobs!

I’ve sorely missed writing on this blog. I’ve missed making YouTube videos (which hopefully changes soon!) And I’ve especially missed the concept of “weekends”. Working at a movie theater on the weekend means I’ve only had days off for holidays (YAY for 4th of July!) and I’m working on the theater’s busiest days (“Give me my POPCORN” the guest screamed into my face…).

….So finding time to relax (sleep) has been challenging.

But this time of craziness is coming to a close! I’m working the next two Fridays (including today when this blog was written) and then I’m free!

But that’s not the ONLY update I have for you lovelies! I am also going to be relocating back to where so many things in my life began. Back to my college stomping ground. Back to…Fullerton, CA.
Yep. The bright lights of the city have worn me down and I’m heading back to the suburbs for a while to rest my weary LA soul.

Things you can look forward to: 
A deeper/reflective post about moving away from LA
A NEW YouTube channel!
A more rested and relaxed writer (that’s me!)
A…hopefully more postings on this blog (wanted to keep with the theme here)
And, more TV/Film reviews, write-ups, and recaps 🙂

Whew! THAT is a LOT of updates.

I’m really excited for this new chapter in my life! I think God has some interesting things in store for me and I can’t wait to share and experience them all with you!

Life’s Craziness

Hey! So I’ve been pretty M.I.A. lately and I do apologize. The main reason for my relative silence is that I got a second job working weekends at a movie theater! On one hand, it’s super exciting to earn extra funds (which will be going towards an exciting adventure in October!) but on the other hand, it’s entirely exhausting. The body-aches-sore-muscles-so-tired-you-can’t-sleep kind of exhausting. Yea, more exhausting than writing that last sentence even!

So most of my time is spent either at my full-time desk answering emails and phone calls (and on twitter…let’s be real) OR I can be found serving popcorn and nachos (which I used to love and now the cheese just melts my flesh as I change it) for anxious moviegoers.

I had been debating getting a second job for a while and when the opportunity came up that the theater was hiring, I felt I should at least apply and see what happens. It’s a great gig for me because I get FREE movies (other than opening weekends) and  I’m not working weeknights so it doesn’t conflict with my full-time gig. The other reason it works is that it’s temporary. It’ll end late July and that’ll be all. So it’s basically like a summer job. Yep, I have a summer job at 26 years old. I’m THAT awesome.

IN OTHER NEWS:
In the past few weeks, some things have happened and I wanted to give a (brief) update:
1.Started (and quickly ended) online dating
2. Got rejected from USC Cinematic Arts
3. Decided to adopt my roommate’s cat, like officially
4. Started plans for moving to a new place in August

I know most of those could have posts all to themselves, but I just don’t have the time to write them out 😦

IN UNRELATED NEWS (to anything in this post): 
My last post dealt with the Veronica Mars kickstarter and since then one of my favorite actors, Zach Braff, began a campagin for his own project. He came under similar criticism about his funding, his “famous” status, and why he used the site for funding. I found this interview in which he explains and answers these critiques in a way that is so perfectly Zach Braff. I haven’t supported his project, but I LOVE his vision of what a kickstarter for someone of his status (and anyone really) can be, which is a community. I love that! Check out the video below if you’re at all interested.

http://mashable.com/2013/05/08/zach-braff-interview/

❤
Erika

TV, Fandom, Passion and Money

Being the pop culture lover that I am, I have some thoughts on the whole Veronica Mars kickstarter that I would love to share with you, my readers. Some of you share my love for all things pop culture and others do not. I hope I can get some feedback from both sides of the aisle.

The short of it is, fans of the TV show ‘Veronica Mars’ pledged $2 Million (and counting as of Thursday afternoon) to fund the making of the movie based on the TV show of the same name. Here is an article from the LA Times with just a few more details (no opinions given). The goal was 30-days to raise $2 Million and it was met in just 12 hours. That’s passion!

Quickly after it was announced that the goal had been met so quickly, people took to social media to do one of two things: 1.) Rejoice at their accomplishment and express excitement for the green-lighting of a project they had (long) been waiting for, or 2.) Hate on those who donated money for the project and give their thoughts on what that money could have gone towards instead.

Note: I should point out that I am not a fan of the show, but that’s only because I have yet to see an episode. After all this hype, I’m MUCH more inclined to at least see what the fuss is about! 

So, now it’s my turn to say what I think. I am actually in both camps on this one. I see both points and there is some validity to each. Yes, the money could have gone to other causes or charities; To people who have real needs like food, clean water, and shelter. We should always be aware of the places we give money and the causes we support. One TV critic wrote on Twitter:

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js My stance from this side of things is this: I’m much more fascinated than judgmental. Fascinated that there was so much interest in this movie getting made, fascinated at how quickly and readily people gave money, and fascinated to see what comes from reflection of what this means about our culture. I would want everyone (whether you donated or not) to think about what we readily give our money towards and what we hesitate or hold back on. Have any charities or non-profit groups been able to raise such high amounts of money for more charitable causes?

On the other side of things, I see that this project truly shows how powerful TV fans are. TV is a powerful medium. That power/passion can be felt more and more with the internet and other online fundraisers similar to this kickstarter. We’ve already seen small bands and singers get EPs recorded and distributed through their online fan communities donating, as well as indie filmmakers (and even film school students) having their short films produced this same exact way. Now we are seeing online fundraising effort moving towards producing huge media corporation projects (like WB in this case) and productions with already established stars, such as Kristen Bell.

While reading through the mess of articles on this matter, I found this article which I very much enjoyed, titled “Don’t You Dare Feel Bad About Chipping In: http://tvline.com/2013/03/14/veronica-mars-movie-kickstarter/

I definitely appreciate the value of allowing fans to make the decision to make something they want to watch. Studio Execs don’t always get it right, and this was a chance for the little guy (fans) to have the power to make something! That is very exciting! I’m curious to see how this affects the production of other fan-favorites that have yet to find executive backing. Creator of NBC’s “Scrubs” posted this to twitter in response (might only get the joke if you watched Scrubs):

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js So there you go! Who knows WHAT can be done in a world when fundraising is online, wallets are (somewhat) open, and projects/charities/events are waiting to be funded.

I honestly would love to hear YOUR thoughts in the comments below. Do you agree with the funding? If not, what would you be willing to donate towards?