Gobble Gobble

I rarely write out the things that I am thankful for because it always felt super cheesy and contrived. This year, however, feels like an extraordinary year in the scheme of the 25 I’ve had so far. So, with all that said, here is my list of things that I’m thankful for:

  • The Gift of Music: This year, I’ve re-discovered my love of all things musical.
    • First was my love for Glee (rejuvenated love that is). It’s a weird love affair because I know in my TV-writer heart that it’s poorly written and inconsistent. But I can’t help but love the musical numbers, love certain characters (Klaine), and enjoy the occasional good storyline. 
    • Then came my love for Starkid and their first big musical “A Very Potter Musical”. Stemmed from Darren being on Glee, I found myself inspired to check out his earlier work. Best decision I’ve made this past year. This has been the gateway to so many good things in my life, and for that I’m so thankful to them. 
    • I began taking voice lessons! Second best decision I’ve made this year. Each session is challenging and life-giving in equal measure. This is the most active and creative way I see God working in my life. And it’s all through my singing. I love it. 
  • The Gift of Freedom: This is something that has been evolving since my years in college, but this year in particular has been a huge year of breaking chains that have held me down and releasing things to God.
    •  I am actively working to restore and repair my relationship with God. Each breakthrough brings freedom to our relationship and freedom in my heart to accept His love more and more.
    • I have also experienced freedom to express myself to God honestly. I have some deep hurts and disappointments with God, and I feel free now to express and release those to Him and trust they will be redeemed and restored. 
    • I have gained freedom to be myself and freedom to accept who I am, both physically and emotionally. I haven’t always liked who I was or how I looked, but God is freeing my sight to see what He sees in me. Definitely a work in progress, but I’m so thankful for what glimpses He’s given me so far…
  • The Gift of Friendship: This year has been a roller coaster of community and friendship for me. There were definitely dark times when I doubted each of my friendships and community. I doubted that I could be loved by any of them and felt like starting over. But God is good to me and brought people (some I’d known and some I didn’t until recently) to remind me that friendship is worth fighting for and I am capable of being loved by my friends. I knew friendship was important, but this year has reminded me just how much friends bring to my life. I’m so thankful you’ve all stuck around for me, even when I wasn’t the best friend back to you. 
    • God has also given me a great community of people who want to be better and want to support one another. I love my corner community for what we are trying to be. We aren’t perfect, but we are trying to be better together 🙂 So grateful! 
  • The Gift of Love: I haven’t always felt like love was part of my life, mainly because I narrowly thought “love” looked a certain way. But this year, I’ve been better able to recognize when I’m loved and that has given me the ability to love others better so they feel that love in return. 
    • I have always had a great family who loves and supports me. I seriously don’t know where I would be without them. I love you. 
    • This might be mushy, but I’m just thankful that God gave us the ability to love each other. It amazes me when I see an act of love shared between people. I’m so thankful.   
I hope that we are able to see what gifts we have been given and appreciate how much we are loved and seen by God. We have so much to be thankful for, if only we would take the time to reflect on the blessings we have been given. 
Happy Thanksgiving ❤

This past weekend, I saw the movie  J. Edgar starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Armie Hammer. I had not seen one trailer or clip from the film prior to this weekend. The only piece of information I had was a movie poster I saw in Hollywood a few weeks back. I had no idea what the story would focus on when I entered the movie theater. I was pleasantly surprised during the film because I found myself captivated and moved by the story unfolding before me. I am not a historian and there are many important people that I do not know much about, one of them being J. Edgar Hoover. So I let the film tell me his story without knowing what’s fact, fiction, or a mixture of the two.

I’ll be the first to admit that I am not a “film” person because my media-loving heart leans heavily towards television (which is seen as the bastard stepchild of film in some circles). That being said, I loved this movie! The reason I loved it is similar to the reason I prefer TV, which is that its a character driven story. If I fall in love with your character (and yes, I do fall in love with fictional characters) then you will have a loyal fan in me.

All that being said, I found the characters in J. Edgar intriguing enough to keep my attention and wonder what will happen between each of the relationships in the film. The main character himself is an odd man, who seems to have a slight speech impediment, lack of social skills, and a temper that is hard to comprehend because its so sudden and unexpected by both the on-screen cast and the audience watching. And yet,  I saw through his anger and isolation, a man holding onto deep personal secrets (and not limited to his own, but also the secrets of those around him). Throughout the film, I could see the wear and tear these secrets had on him as a person and it broke my heart. We were not created to hold such deep secrets in our hearts, and this film illustrates what that can do to a person if they try.

Armie Hammer really held my heart through the entire film. I love his performance as a gentle and smart man, with secrets of his own to protect. He plays Hoover’s assistant and confidante in all matters of the job. I won’t spoil you too much, but their friendship is beautiful, sad, and tragic. I enjoyed watching Armie (what a name, right?) in a character so drastically different than what he has previously played (The Social Network). He was compassionate and loving, honest and humble. ❤

Ultimately, this is not a movie review. I am not a film critic. I take in movies and experience the emotions they bring up within me rather than analyze specific shots, color contrasts, or technical details in the film-making process. This movie moved me to tears. My heart ached watching  J. Edgar work so hard for his job, for his family, and for justice and yet his life and love limited, and in some ways avoided. I felt bad for him because he was so close to something meaningful and yet so far away from being able to accept it.

God has given me an extremely soft heart for the issues brought up in the film and for that I am so thankful to Him. I haven’t always had this heart for the LGBT community, but I’m glad He has opened my heart to love and encourage those around me.

 I will not give answers to those hard questions you maybe asking or wondering about me. That’s not my job. But I will say that I loved this movie because it moved me. It made me feel something deep in my heart for those who are told they cannot love…and my heart was broken.

Our world has enough hate in it, we don’t need to spread anymore.

I encourage you to see the film and think about what it brings up for you. Then we can discuss!

Peace ❤

Vague is Vague, Good is Good

This will be one of my more vague posts, and for that I do apologize. I would want to share more, but there’s still stuff needing time to process and develop before that is possible.

If you’ve read my blog before, you most likely know that change and I are not friends. Even good changes in my life can be hard for me to accept. Recently, I’ve been able to experience something new (and exciting) but I can feel myself begin putting up the walls and guard myself in fear of the unknown.

The path that I’m walking is completely new territory. It’s something I’ve thought about for a long time and something I want eventually, but that doesn’t replace the fear and insecurities. I can’t believe I’m going to write this, but I honestly thought my insecurities would lessen once this happened to me. Not true! In fact, they are shoved even more in my face due to this. I find myself battling in my head against the lies that I’ve believed for so long about myself. Unfortunately, new ones have also crept up and must be dealt with accordingly (prayer, conversations, friends, etc).

I continue to try and see God in the midst of this new experience.

Thankfully I see Him, but it’s hard to keep focus. I’m easily distracted and forget just how central He is in all of this. This is a good gift to me from God, no matter what happens. And that is what I must always remember. It’s also important to remember that God’s gifts vary and cannot be limited to any one dream or aspiration you have! If this wasn’t happening in my life, there would be other good gifts that I would have to celebrate. I don’t want anyone to think that God is only good when his gifts look like this (or that…or whatever it is you want in life). He is not limited to our hopes and dreams for ourselves. He wants to give us even better than we imagine. I’m really starting to believe this and see it in my own life!

Thanks for being patient and reading my semi-vague post.

I’ll keep you posted 😉

Spirit Day

October 20, 2011 is #SpiritDay  and it is to support LGBT youth in an anti-bullying movement.

Today, I wore my purple shirt in support of this movement. I changed my twitter picture to have a purple cover. I support this movement to end bullying and hatred towards the LGBT community.

The Christian perspective on LGBT men and woman is complicated and extremely messy. I don’t have all (or any) of the answers to the questions running through your mind right now. I may never have those answers. But that doesn’t mean I won’t still love my neighbor, who might be lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender. And it doesn’t mean that God doesn’t want us to still ask Him those hard questions. It also doesn’t mean that he will give us the answers we are looking for (or any “answers” at all, but at least we’re in a discussion. I’m not here to judge or be judged, I am here simply to love and learn.

Today is mainly about bringing awareness to the senseless crimes committed against LGBT youth and this is something I will always be against, no matter what my religion. I do not believe that ANYONE should live life in fear simply because of their sexuality. We are called to love one another and that’s what I’m trying to do. Love.

Wearing purple as a straight ally for LGBT youth

All the Single Ladies (and Men)..

“Speak Up! No one will know how to help you, if they don’t know you need help”

This was a recent  topic at church and it really struck a personal nerve. The previous sermon was about serving the children in our church and community. It was great because our church is called to the children and youth of the neighborhood. But what struck me was the exclusion of the singles in these discussions of family. What about the single, 20-30 year olds (or more) who make up a large portion of the church? What does the word “family” mean for us? Personally, I was struck at how invisible my singleness seems to be to the larger church. I began to feel very frustrated that I “wasn’t included” in discussions about the church family. I asked myself, “Would we ever devote an entire sermon to singles like we have with families?” This thought was in a fit of anger, so take it with a grain of salt, but I think the desire behind it is legitimate. I’ve read a lot of blogs talking about singles in churches and how complicated it can be is for the church to include singles where families are the main focus…so this isn’t some radical new topic. But for many of us singles, it’s too much of an emotional and complicated issue to be ignored.

So I talked to a few friends to gauge how legit my emotional response was to the sermon (sometimes my emotions are terrible judges of what actions to take). Overall, the response was similar, which made me want to speak up and let them know that this isn’t OK and I’m feeling overlooked. We decided to email the leader who gave the sermon to sit down and discuss how we were feeling. We met recently and the discussion was very helpful and eye-opening for everyone.

I can’t say what the outcome in the church will look like, but I’m glad that we spoke up and voiced what our concerns are as people in the church who are single and still need support and inclusion. I pray that we find ways to include all the groups who feel overlooked in church and truly make it a family.

I randomly found my old blog (which was only abandoned due to google and me changing my email). It’s interesting that I haven’t been able to just connect the two…since they are both still me.

Anyways, I wanted to post a link in case you’re bored and wanted to know what my thoughts/life was like prior to August 2010. Here’s my link: http://partnerofservants.blogspot.com/

As you can see, I have a thing for daisies.

Sing it Out

For the past 6 months, I’ve been taking singing lessons 2x a month…and I’m in love. I can’t imagine not having these lessons to help me grow and be a better singer. The wildest part is that most people have no idea how much I love to sing. I’ve spent a good majority of my life thinking very little of myself, especially my talents and passions. When I would get excited about a performance or time to shine, it would quickly fade to a thought that goes something like, “Well…I’m not good enough so maybe I shouldn’t do it”. Cut to me sitting around and watching others do what I longed to do and getting the parts I wanted. I see a lot of performers talk about being told “No” and “You’re not good enough” when they were auditioning and my first thought is how little I relate to that feeling. I was so afraid and not confident in myself that I never let anyone say that to me because I rarely (if ever) sang for anyone. In turn, I never auditioned or tried anything. I kept my singing, performing, dancing self in my room where she was safe from any judgement (or audience).

When I finally decided to pursue singing lessons, it was an outlet for me to sing and really learn the technique. Now it’s become a way of growing both vocally and spiritually. Who knew I’d find Jesus through my voice? Let me explain.  My instructor is constantly telling me to let go of the control and simply sing. Sounds easier than it actually is because in order to do that, you have to trust that you have the right pitch and enough breath beneath you to support your sound. I rarely have that trust and the sound comes out somewhat strained because I’m trying to control it with my throat (wrong). What do I struggle with in my relationship with God? Control and lack of trust. Hmm, I see what you’re doing there God.

I can’t really express how much life my singing lessons have brought me. They give me an outlet for expression and release of the things I keep bottled inside most of the time. I experience the world through emotions mainly, and singing is a way of expressing emotions that is so different from written or spoken word. Kristin Chenoweth (Wicked, Glee guest star) once said, “We sing when we can no longer speak” and I find that to be 100% true in my life. Singing is an emotional and physical expression of things we cannot otherwise say. But it has also become a way for me to interact with God. He uses my lessons to teach me things about myself and remind me that I can trust in Him and the “song” will play out as it should.

While nothing concrete is in the works, I’m am going to be singing more (and more in front of people!) so I ask for your prayers and support through the ups and downs that will bring 🙂 I’m looking forward to walking this path of singing and learning for the rest of my life. Whether it’s a career or a life-long outlet, I know I’ll sing as long as I’m able.

Today I thank God for the gift of music. What are you thankful for today? Where are the places that you’re discovering God and you weren’t expecting to see Him there?

Editing is hard

I’ve been trying to edit and complete the video for Chicago but it’s taking FOREVER! Reasons being:

1.) I’m easily distracted
2.) I’m fasting for using electronics past 10pm and that significantly lowers the time I have to edit on weekdays
3.) I’m finding new things I can do with the iMovie program each day (which means I learn something new and then basically re-edit what I thought I had completed).

All this to say, I’m really excited about how it’s turning out and I’ll be sure to let you know once it’s done. I’d say maybe 2-3 more weeks.

Chicago? What?

So it’s my birthday at the end of this week, and I was initially planning to have a huge dance party on Friday (August 26th). Then I saw something that completely changed my plans. I’m a massive supporter of Team Starkid Productions (which can be found on YouTube here: StarKid Potter) and I also am a huge supporter of my Skype Coach Julia (who is a member/actor in the group). They announced that StarKid is going to put on a fundraiser for a Chicago Charity (Snow City Arts) and it just so happened to be August 27-28th! I spoke with Julia about it after daydreaming of actually flying out and seeing the show..and she said, “Well, I can get you a ticket!”. And that was it. Plans were made and birthday gifts were given (thanks Dad!) and now I’m planning to see Chicago for 2.5 days, see the Starkids perform, and actually meet Julia in person! I’m also going to be video recording my trip and making a montage of my time there. I’m super excited! Want to see the video that started it all? Here ya go (hint: that’s Julia giving you all the info): http://www.youtube.com/user/StarKidPotter?blend=1&ob=5#p/u/0/vHQlx2zCEwU

So many links, I know! Anyhoo…I’m still having a dance party on Sept. 3rd so come out and dance with me! If you didn’t get the evite, let me know and I’ll be sure to email you the link! It’s gonna be a joint party with Ingrid and myself, so you know it’s gonna be fun!!

Once I get back, I’ll be editing the video and updating you all 🙂

Countdown to 25 years of age party weekend… 3….2……1….!!!!!