There are so many topics, emotions, and opinions running through my mind and it’s hard to formulate them all in a way that makes sense to anyone outside of my brain. As I thought about what may connect these seemingly unconnected feelings, something did emerge: I’m having a hard time associating with the faith that I have held since my freshman year in college.
I will spare the details of my faith background by saying that I did grow up attending church with my mom but that didn’t lead to a personal understanding of Jesus. It was in a college christian community (which I will talk about later in this post) that I came to personally understand what my faith meant to me and what the character of Jesus was and I fell in love. I felt a sense of peace and joy that I can’t quite say I’ve felt since. I’ll never forget the day it all became real to me; I was singing with the worship music and crying because my body almost couldn’t contain the joy and the immense love I felt rushing through my body. I finally met Jesus and felt just how much He loved me and what I would, from that moment on, claim to be my faith.
Fast forward to today.
I find myself still enamored with Jesus and still wishing I could have been there to see Him myself, to witness His miracles and healing, to see what true love looked like with my own eyes.
Instead, I’m here in 2016 and I’m watching people who claim to believe in that same faith support a man who is the exact opposite of what Jesus asks us to be. Watching the divide between the church and LGBTQ+ community grow wider and wider. Watching that Christian Fellowship (the same group that brought me to Jesus) cause so much pain and division because of their stand on sexuality and the right to marry for my LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters. I’m watching fear take over the minds and hearts of those who should believe in putting their trust in Jesus and allow Him to speak into that fear and replace it with His protection and His guidance. I’m watching them be afraid of refugees who are human beings trying to flee the fear and danger they faced at home. They are placing their trust in our country, our politicians, our borders…rather than God and His plan for His people.
I’m at a loss. My heart is truly breaking. I don’t recognize the people I should be calling my fellow believers. I don’t recognize my “fellow Americans”. I’m angry and frustrated. I’m mad that there are still people who support men asserting “dominance” over women. I’m mad at how powerless I often feel as a woman and this election has only continued to shine a light on that feeling. I’m sad and I have very little hope in the outcome of this election, regardless of the winner, because of everything that has been stirred up in this campaign. I’m unsure of what my country will look like when it’s all said and done.
I have never felt so hopeless with my country, hopeless in the treatment of my gender, or hopeless of the integrity/humility of my faith.
So, what do we do? I’m giving myself a little while to sulk and look at kittens online. There’s also this AMAZING video that never fails to make me happy:
And then, we fight back. We pray. We find places and people who support us and who we can support. We follow others on social media who lift us up and challenge us to be better. I’m so thankful for the opportunity to attend a conference called The Reformation Project in Long Beach next weekend to be around my fellow believers who want to see the inclusion of LGBTQ+ community in the church. I’m glad for the chance to learn, worship, and be in the midst of people who want the same thing I want from the church, inclusion and affirmation.
I have also sought out solace in other women who are speaking out and fighting for proper treatment of women. Some are also believers like Rachel Held Evans (whom I absolutely, 100% adore and recommend) as well as Jen Hatmaker who is hilarious and refreshingly honest in everything she does…from her sermons to her facebook posts. I’ve added their twitter handles if you’re interested in strong and smart women to add to your timeline. I also added the handle for one of my new favorite voices speaking about women and media, Liz Plank from Vox.com. I would also recommend Samantha Bee, host of Full Frontal, for some powerful and hilarious commentary on the current election.
Rachel Held Evans
Jen Hatmaker
https://twitter.com/feministabulous/status/786771374484365312
Liz Plank
Samantha Bee
Michael J. Kimpan’s site is another great resource if you find yourself feeling similarly disheartened. His recent post, Train Wreck, says exactly what I wanted to say in this post except much better.
“To my self-identified, christian, trump-supporting friends & family – a confession: It’s difficult for me to concede that you and I are following the same Jesus I’ve been reading about in the gospels…”
Source: train wreck.
Everyday Erika 