Hi my name is Erika and I struggle with social media envy. It’s hard to start a post with such a personal confession but I think that as more and more social media outlets emerge, this feeling is becoming more common. You check your Facebook timeline and see all of the fun things your friends are doing, see their twitter feeds about how much fun they’re having together, or their snapchat stories about how jam-packed their weekend was… and you begin the comparison game. Why isn’t my life that interesting? Why haven’t I  gotten my dream job? When am I going to find that someone special? While I do struggle with these feelings (often) the questions that typically pop up in my head are: Why does it feel like everyone is hanging out without me? Am I so boring that no one wants me around?

In my best moments I’m able to see a friend hanging out with other friends and be happy. Yay they got to see one another! Yay they got to experience that thing/place together!

But it’s in my low moments that these images tear me apart. I begin thinking about all of the text messages not returned or cancelled hangouts yet to be rescheduled and I wonder why I’m not in those very pictures I see on my timeline.

After watching “The Social Network” and peering into what led Zuckerberg to create Facebook, I have always felt that the site has somehow been ingrained with envy, anger, and ugliness. I know that Hollywood makes the story whatever it wants and it often adds a sprinkle of increased drama to anything listed as “Based on a True Story”. The part of the movie that I’m specifically referring to is Zuckerberg’s fight and revenge against his then girlfriend.

The website ‘Chasing the Frog‘ is devoted to uncovering truth behind those “Based on a True Story” films and this quote is what stands out from not only the movie but also the real life details:

 Did Mark create a website called Facemash.com after a fight with his girlfriend?
Yes, and he blogged about it. “I need to think of something to make to take my mind off her…” Mark came up with the idea of comparing classmates to farm animals and letting people vote on who was more attractive.

This is ugliness and anger. He was upset about a fight with his then girlfriend and wanted to distract himself and this is where his mind took him. Comparing people (I’m assuming mainly women) to each other and occasionally to animals. Why do I bring this up? Well, I find it fascinating that this idea of comparison was part of facebook before Zuckerberg even knew what it would become.

In the last few months, especially since getting engaged, I have struggled and failed to overcome the voices in my head telling me I’m unwanted/boring. I find myself getting jealous over the smallest things, so much so that I can’t enjoy seeing what others are up to. I talked to R about it and shared how hard it was for me to feel so ostracized for being engaged, or fat, or boring, or any of the other millions ways my brain told me I wasn’t invited or called back. So we came up with a game plan: Take regular (and frequent) breaks from checking Facebook. While I haven’t been on this plan very long, I’ve found it extremely gratifying and freeing.

Some of you reading may not struggle the same way I do when checking social media, and if so that’s wonderful. But if you do find yourself getting sucked into these black holes of comparison or self-doubt, my suggestion to you is this: Take a break. Delete the app from your phone for a week. Go outside and get some Vitamin D. It may seem silly, but in the instant mobile notification age that we live …it helps to unplug. Sure I might miss some things… but maybe I need to miss your awesome dinner picture or that amazing hiking adventure you had. Tell me about it when we hang out together instead! I’m in NO way saying I’m not interested in the lives of the people in my life, but rather I’m saying that I’m entirely MORE interested in hearing about it from you rather than only from your posts online. Let’s gather together more! Let’s break bread with one another and really listen and hear how things have been going. I miss the days when I would hang out with friends and just talk to one another. It’s unrealistic to think things can go back to those college-hangout days, but we can still connect off-line. I know we can!

Now R and I are trying to skip facebook on the weekends, if possible, and 2-3 days a week. So far it’s been wonderful. I feel lighter and more aware of what’s happening in my own life rather than following the lives lived on my social media feeds. I feel less self-conscious about what my life is “missing” and more confident in the things that life has already given me.

I hope that if you are reading this and feeling similarly, that you’ll find a way to overcome the voices telling you negative things and know the truth that you are loved and seen. And if you need prayer or just someone to listen who is going through these issues as well, please email me or reach out and let’s get together to talk.

-E